Compliment Conundrum

When Complimenting Your Staff Becomes the Norm 

The first time is always met with equal parts shock and delight, a spontaneous combination of reddened cheeks and raised eyebrows. It’s not that it hasn’t happened before; it’s not that it’s disingenuous.

It’s that it’s unexpected.

My name is Brian, and I’m a complimenter. (Choral ResponseHi, Brian!)

The irony of this leadership trait is that I put people in positions with which I am very uncomfortable when in reverse. As a kid, I didn’t know what to make of compliments. Never quite sure if I should thank the complimenter, always a bit skeptical that the compliment was paid as part of some adult handbook on how to relate to kids. As an adult and professional, I recognize that many of us can go for long stretches without anyone telling us something positive about ourselves. And that’s not to say that the older we get the less there is to compliment.

We just choose to stop doing it.

So I’m choosing the opposite.

While putting together the agenda for our most recent staff meeting, I decided to write in a segment called “Triumphs and Tribulations,” which I borrowed from my leadership mentorship program. Essentially, it would act as a prescribed time, at the end of the meeting, during which we would celebrate each other or ask for help, out loud. When the time came to introduce the idea, I explained that I didn’t expect anyone to actually contribute today but that I would go first to model the activity. I spoke about my amazing secretary, Cecilia. Underpaid and overworked, she is one of the kindest, skilled people I know, and because I’ve never worked with a secretary before, I thought it was imperative that she be the first person complimented in front of our staff.

When I finished, I started to say something about how next month we could start the tradition. However, I was interrupted by a teacher who said, “Wait, can we just..” and then she started to applaud. Then we all applauded.

Then the compliments poured out. Each followed by a chorus of, you guessed it, applause.

Thank you, _____. Not only have you provided me academic support in math but you’ve taught lessons! I don’t know what I would do without you.

Yeah, Fundations has been fun to teach, but I struggle. ______ has gone way above and beyond to help me.

I love my (grade level) partner. We are so in sync and constantly bounce ideas off each other.

I know this isn’t a revolutionary idea that will land our staff in educational journals for years to come. Still, there’s a profound difference between knowing something exists and making it your own. For just a few minutes at the end of a staff meeting, we shed the red tape, put away the agenda, and celebrated each other.

And we solved the compliment conundrum.

 

3 Replies to “Compliment Conundrum”

    1. This was a whole read and such a great idea to implement!! We all need to hear something positive about ourselves and when it comes unexpectantly it is more treasured! Love your writing Brian!!

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