#formerstudentFriday is an occasional series in which former students and I team up on topics of their choosing. Through their voices and perspectives, we can level up in everything we do.
Megan DiGesare beat me to the punch. Since I became aware of Imposter Syndrome, it has helped explain so much of my life. Though I had a post on it ready to go, Megan skillfully and gracefully discusses the malady far better than I could have. She and I have stayed in touch, largely about books we love, and she recently reminded me that there was rarely a day that went by in my class during which we didn’t laugh. I’m thankful she chose to write this.
“I still believe that at any time the no-talent police will come and arrest me.” – Mike Myers
The Impostor Syndrome struggle is real. Not sure what I am talking about? Remember that time you nailed an amazing job interview, only to then doubt yourself, your qualifications, and your ability? Yep, that! That nagging feeling affects more people than you would imagine.
Why do we think we don’t deserve greatness?
Why do we champion the thought of empowerment, but fear being empowered?
I didn’t know what this feeling was called until recently. I didn’t even think there was a name for it. I just thought I was being too hard on myself.
I was recently offered a job through Linkedin. My current employer found me, sent me a message, and the next thing I knew I was sitting in an office interviewing for a position to which I didn’t even apply. I felt, as I walked out, that I nailed the interview. I was offered the job, accepted, and then this feeling of inadequacy crept up little by little.
It’s not that I think I haven’t accomplished anything, or that there isn’t anything I am proud of, but often times, I just don’t believe I got them on my own merits. My brain tells me that I succeeded because of someone I knew, some dumb luck, or a mistake. I feel like I am always waiting for the “other shoe to drop.” The feelings, the thoughts, and the negative words – they directly affect how we feel about ourselves.
When we were younger, in school, we were told if we studied hard we could be anything. We did our homework, our projects, and our assignments and we felt accomplished when we got our grades back because we worked hard for them. We put in the time, the effort, and the literal blood, sweat, & tears. But somewhere along the way we lost that sense of self-worth and attached a stigma to it.
I recently listened to a podcast about this very subject by former lawyer and current life coach, Kara Loewentheil J.D. called Unf*ck Your Brain. I have felt this way for a while but hearing her put it so plainly is when it actually clicked. Do yourself a favor and check it out. Basically, what I took from her podcast was the fact that we need to develop our mantra that tells us “We deserve to be where we are.” We need to re-train our brain by starting every morning by realizing what we have done, how far we have come, and tell ourselves that it was our abilities, talents, and perseverance that got us here. By telling our brain that NOBODY else is responsible for where we are today, we can slowly start to believe ourselves.
I know I am not the only person who feels like this. It’s a subject that needs to be more openly discussed. It can happen to anyone, male or female, and research suggests that the more successful you are, the stronger the feeling becomes. So yes, of course we are waiting for someone to discover us, someone to yell “FRAUD” as we walk through the door, all the while knowing, deep down, that we do deserve to be here.
So let me leave you with this:
You are talented. You are worthy. You are supposed to be exactly where you are. Go for that next promotion, raise, or dream job with the mindset that you got there on YOUR OWN merits.
Megan DiGesare is an operations assistant for Hampshire Properties in Brooklyn, NY. After graduating from Audubon High School in 2005, Megan attended Rutgers University. After school she tried out a few different jobs before landing with a company where her “puzzle piece” fit. Aside from her 9-5, she is a social media manager for various clients. At home she enjoys cooking and hopes to one day write a cookbook. When she isn’t cooking (and posting the photos to Instagram) she is exploring the restaurants NYC has to offer.